It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Some of you need permission to stop pretending.

You need to know it is okay to admit that you are not okay.

You need to be honest about the fact that life is hard, things are painful, you don’t understand, or you have lost your way.

Earlier this year, I had to give myself permission to admit that I was struggling, that I was tired and confused, that I had pushed too hard, and that I was drifting.

I wrote these words in my journal a few months ago, “Today, I want to get back to healthy. Maybe it is not even back – it’s to a new place. I want a healthy heart. I want to help others find that too. I want to operate in my gifts and passion even if the road is hard.”

By admitting that I was not okay, I began a journey that has been painful but full of purpose, a journey that has brought me closer to God and closer to living the life He has designed for me.

Unfortunately, many Christians have an unhealthy expectation that we have to have it all together all the time. We feel like we have to protect God acting like we never experience hurt or pain. This perception is just plain wrong. In fact the Bible models crying out to God in the midst of our sufferings and coming to Him with our questions. Take for example how the prophet Joel described his experience, “What the gnawing locust has left, the swarming locust has eaten; and what the swarming locust has left the creeping locust has eaten; and what the creeping locust has left, the stripping locust has eaten.” (Joel 1:4 NASB)

Everything in Joel’s nation was destroyed. Think about his description. Locust descended on the land and destroyed everything, then even the little that was left another swarm of locust came and ate away. Then another kind and yet another kind of locust came. Basically, just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse, they did. Just when the people thought they had nothing left, they lost more.

I don’t know what you are facing in your life. Personally, I have been working through internal struggles and unhealthy patterns of thinking. For you it might be relationship struggles, financial problems, or a health crisis. More than likely it is a combination of multiple challenges.

As God’s children we know that God is walking with us and working in everything we face. But sometimes we get confused thinking we need to pretend that everything is going great, always say the right things, and put on a happy face even when we are dying on the inside.

The truth is God never asks us to pretend. The Bible teaches us that we can be authentic and honest with God. We can bring Him our frustrations, cry out to Him, and even question Him. I love how Psalm 62:8 gives us this permission, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

Over the next month we will take a deeper look into the book of Joel. In just three short chapters we witness Joel wrestle through pain and destruction and move to a place of both worship and restoration. Often we jump too quickly to the resolution at the end and miss the process Joel worked through to find healing. Look at Joel chapter 1 again. In verse 10 he explains, “the field is ruined, the land mourns; for the grain is ruined, the new wine dries up, fresh oil fails.” Then in verse 12, Joel observes how everything around him has dried up even to the point that “indeed, rejoicing dries up from the sons of men.”

As I have been walking on the path to healing, one thing I have observed is that often I have become so good at pretending that I am okay, that I have fooled myself into believing I am. Maybe it’s out of a desire to please God or to please people, maybe it’s because I’d rather not deal with situations, or maybe it’s because I don’t give myself time to think. Whatever the reason, I am learning that when I am not okay, the best thing I can do is to be honest about it. Honest with God, honest with myself, and honest with friends and family in my circle of support.

What about you? How are you really doing? If we peeled back the layers of your soul what would we see?

Today, give yourself permission to be real – to admit if you are confused, hurting, or struggling. The road to healing does not come through pretending to be okay when we are not. Instead, healing comes through authenticity and honesty, seeing where we are and looking forward to the future.