Lessons from Abigail: Learning to Maximize Your Influence

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. — King Solomon

Too often, we equate one’s ability to make an impact with one’s position or title. We think that the person in authority is the one who people will listen to and respond to, and conversely, we believe that when we lack authority, we lack influence. 

But when we consider this more, we know that position alone does not yield respect. We can all think of examples of people in leadership positions who have little respect from those they lead. They cannot accomplish as much because their only leverage is their title or what they can hold over people. At the same time, we can also think of men and women without such authority or leverage who can turn a situation around simply by their presence or a few softly spoken words.

One of my favorite women in Scripture is a wise and physically attractive woman named Abigail. We find her in 1 Samuel 25, and yes, the first thing said about her is that she is “intelligent and beautiful in appearance.” Abigail had little authority but lots of influence, and she used that influence to diffuse a volatile situation and save lives. 

Let’s take a closer look at Abigail’s life and what we can learn from how she maximized her influence for the good of all those around her. 

1. Abigail rose above her negative situation. 

As plainly as the Bible speaks positively about Abigail, it describes her husband, Nabal, as “harsh and evil.” One of Nabal’s servants describes him as “a worthless man that no one can speak to.” We see his foolishness when David (the future king of Israel) approaches him for food. David’s men had been working side-by-side with Nabal’s servants and should have found favor with their master. But that was not the case. Nabal denies David’s request and insults David, igniting his anger. Now, what should have been a peaceful interaction leaves David and his men ready to kill. 

When the servants see what is happening, they turn to the one person who can help—Abigail. Despite being married to a terrible man, Abigail is able to rise above her situation. She is not angry like her husband but knows how to listen and help. She is not a victim of her circumstances but is instead respected by her household. 

Like Abigail, we can rise above our circumstances. We can choose the type of person we want to be and how we will act. We can be peaceful in chaos, loving in hate-filled environments, and wise when those around us are foolish. When we learn to take responsibility for our actions and attitudes, people around us will notice, and we open the door to greater influence. 

2. Abigail acted quickly yet remained calm.

When the servant comes to Abigail for help, she moves into purposeful action. She is not in a panic but rather has a plan and knows how to execute it. Wisely, she says nothing to her husband but instead puts the servants to work to help her with the plan. Abigail gathers provisions and goes straight to David and his 400 men with their swords ready for battle. Lives are on the line, and she has no time to waste. 

There are times when quick action is required. Some opportunities only come around once, and negative things may ensue if we miss them. While we never want to be rash and overreact, we must also be careful to take the opportunities that come our way. We never know what a day will bring, but we learn from Abigail that we need to be ready to move into action while remaining self-controlled and purposeful. 

3. Abigail showed respect.

When Abigail approached David, she bowed low and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say.” Despite David’s rash behavior, Abigail showed him respect. She understood that acting in a culturally appropriate, humble manner would make a much bigger impact than harsh words. Abigail gains an audience with David because she treats him with dignity.

Unfortunately, it seems respect is a lost art in our culture. We tend to think of ourselves first and demand our rights. However, respect is one of the most essential tools for gaining influence. When we respect others, they are more likely to respect us. When we disrespect, overlook, or speak over others, they will likely return the same behavior to us. 

4. Abigail communicated candidly. 

While Abigail showed David respect, she also spoke plainly. She admitted her husband was foolish and pointed out David’s aggressive response. Abigail reminded David that returning evil for evil was not the solution and begged him to show restraint. She also reminded him that he was fighting God’s battle and needed to remain above reproach.

Too often, we have an opening to share with people, but we avoid hard truths or don’t articulate our thoughts well. Influence takes bravery. We need to speak with honesty, saying what needs to be said in a non-aggressive manner. The hard truth is almost always difficult to hear, but it is usually easier to digest when delivered with grace and calm rather than anger and accusation. 

5. Abigail spoke life-giving words. 

One of my favorite parts of Abigail’s interaction with David is that she reminds him of his calling. Abigail affirms that God will raise David up to the position of king. She speaks to his potential and his godly character. She sees him for who he will be in the future.

Speaking truth involves more than pointing out problems; it includes sharing good things. Our words can help people see a better future, and our influence can help them become a better version of themselves. We can speak life-giving, life-affirming words that can shape others.

Like Abigail, our words and actions can change the trajectory of our families and our communities. We have the opportunity to influence and change those around us, no matter what position (or lack thereof) we find ourselves in. 

Do you believe that?