Overcome Your Overwhelm – Speech

The tongue – this is one of those topics that I have studied, talked about, and taught numerous times. Yet, rarely does a day go by that I don’t speak something that I wish I had said differently or not said at all.

We justify our words with thoughts such as, I have earned the right to say what I think, they will understand, or I wouldn’t say this to anyone else. But deep down, we know better.

I don’t need to spend time explaining to you how saying the wrong things can add complications to our lives. The book of James says it well. “The tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” (James 3:6 NASB)

Today as we explore Overwhelm Trigger #4: Speech – I can say what I want, when I want, I would like to share an excerpt from chapter ten of my book, Finding Simplicity: Learning to Live like Jesus in the Midst of a Complicated World:

If I were to ask you the last time you said something you regretted, you probably wouldn’t have to think back far. If we are honest, most of us have a long list of ways we have complicated our lives through our words. Here are just a few examples to which you may relate:
• Blurting out the frustration we meant to hold inside
• Lying to make ourselves look better or to keep ourselves safe
• Accusing someone else of something we know is our fault
• Raising our voices or yelling at someone who does not deserve our anger
• Using sarcasm to cover up how we genuinely feel
• Speaking about people behind their backs
• Name-calling or negative characterization of others

As a Christian, there is no other area in which I have grown as much as in my speech. When I was in college, an honest assessment of the words flowing from my mouth would have included such descriptions as “sarcastic,” “biting,” “immature,” and “shallow.”

During this season, a brave friend sat down with me and shared her observations about the impact of my words. She explained that even though she knew I cared about people and had the heart to serve God, the way I communicated was creating a barrier for me. Not only were my tone and words holding people at a distance; worse yet, they were tearing down and hurting others. While I wanted to help people and share God’s love, my words were setting me on a course in the opposite direction. My friend’s loving confrontation was a defining moment for me.

Our words are an indicator of our spiritual maturity. As we grow, our speech should be continually changing. Jesus explained that our words flow from our hearts. In Luke 6:45, He says, “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”

As much as we want to blame our words on our circumstances or other people, the reality is that they are shaped by one source — our heart. Just as experiencing physical heart problems may find us submitting to a stress test to determine the cause of the issue, our circumstances serve as a stress test to reveal the condition of our spiritual heart.

If you are like me, there are times you may tell yourself you are doing great, when, in reality, you are filled with negativity, judgment, or hopelessness. During those times, I usually attempt to plow through and to pretend everything is okay, but, eventually, what is inside my heart comes out. I justify my unkind words with excuses—I am tired; they understand where I am coming from; we all have our moments; anyone would be frustrated with this situation. This list could go on and on.

If I continue to ignore the seemingly small comments, before too long (and usually with surprising force), words flow from my mouth that I immediately wish I could retract. What was harbored in my heart is now out in the open and has hurt someone I care about. If only I had stopped to work on my heart earlier, I could have avoided a lot of pain.

As Jesus reminds us, our speech is a direct reflection of who we are. When our mouth spews angry words, gossip, complaint, or grumbling, it is an overflow of our heart. The same is true when we speak lovingly and kindly. Those genuine and positive encouragements come from a healthy heart in line with God.