Standing Together

Life is better together. Friendships enrich our life. They build us up. They challenge us. They shape us into stronger and greater people.

I know I would not be who I am or where I am today without the friends God has put in my life. That is why throughout this month’s blogs I want to celebrate friendship.

Today, the word friend is used very loosely. It can refer to the people you connect with on Facebook or people who are in the same social circle. But a true friend is much more than just someone you have contact with. A true friend is the one who is standing with you when times get tough, the one who speaks life-giving words to you, the one who is learning alongside you, and the one who is partnering with you in this adventure of life.

Listen to this reflection from Solomon, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NASB) How sad to go through life alone! No matter how capable you are on your own, you are always better when there is another person walking with you.

True friendship does not happen by accident. It comes with intentionality and is built over time. One of the best examples in the Bible of friendship is David and Jonathan. Looking at circumstance alone, these two young men probably should have been enemies. One was the son of the king. The other was the challenger to the king’s throne. But instead of focusing on their future potential to be king, these two men established a deep friendship. Their friendship was strong enough for them to stand together in the most painful and threatening times.

As we look at their example, there is much we can learn. Here are just a few thoughts:

True friendship reaches into your soul.

I know for some of you this sounds a little sappy. Honestly, it does for me too. Developing friendships is not something that comes naturally to me. I struggle with letting down barriers and being vulnerable. Often connecting deeply with someone seems too hard or potentially way too risky or painful.

Look at how David and Jonathan’s friendship is described, “Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” (1 Samuel 18:1 NASB) These two men were deeply connected. They did not spend their time talking about surface issues or external problems. They knew each other at a soul level.

To have a friendship that will stand in the hard times, you have to break through barriers. You have to build trust and open up. This type of deep friendship won’t happen with very many people. But it can happen with a few.

A friend speaks well about you even when it’s costly.

I wish that life could be drama free with no complications. Unfortunately, that is just not the case. We all face situations that don’t make sense or put us in an awkward place. The same was true for David and Jonathan. Jonathan’s father Saul developed a strong jealousy toward David. His jealousy grew into anger, anger so strong that Saul wanted David dead, literally.

On one side Jonathan had his father, the ruling king, on the other side he had his friend David who was closer than a brother. I am sure Jonathan would have preferred to stay out of this volatile situation, but he could not. All he could do was choose how he would interact with it.

It would have been easy to speak negatively about David when he was in his father’s presence. But Jonathan was a true friend. The Bible tells us that “Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father…” (1 Samuel 19:4 NASB) Jonathan used wise words to support and defend his friend even when it was controversial.

A friend is the one you are leaning on for strength when life is unsteady.

The hard times are the times when your friends need you the most. If you are a true friend, like Jonathan, those hard times will prove your loyalty. David’s life was threatened. He was about to flee and go into hiding. As he was processing and making decisions, Jonathan was with him listening and supporting him.

I love what Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.” (I Samuel 20:4 NASB) Jonathan was standing with his friend. He was willing to do whatever David needed. In David’s darkest hour, Jonathan was right there holding him up.

A true friend doesn’t just understand your pain, they enter your pain with you.

For Jonathan, David’s pain was his pain. It was something they were walking through together. The Bible describes the few moments before they parted this way, “And they kissed each other and wept together, but David wept the more.” (I Samuel 20:41 NASB) As David was weeping, Jonathan was weeping too.

We need friends every day, but even more so for the hard days. There are many people in our lives, but not many who share in our pain. It is our true friends who are connected to our soul. They know our pain and they walk with us in it. And we do the same for them.

Who are your true friends? Who will be standing with you in the hard times? And who will you be standing with when they need you the most?

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17 NASB)