In Our Disappointment

For most of us, this season of isolation involves loss – lost opportunities, finances, security, relationships, routine, structure, and much more. In processing this loss, more than once, disappointment has threatened to overcome my soul. I have wondered where God is and what He is doing. Why do sickness, evil, and pain seem so prominent? And on a personal level, I wonder if I am entirely off-track. Maybe I heard Him wrong. Perhaps I messed up or am not performing well enough.

Do you know what God is reminding me? Grieve. Healing comes when we acknowledge our pain, experience the sorrow associated with our loss, and work through our disappointments with God.

Psalm 31:7-8 (NASB) says, “I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because you have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul. And You have not given me over to the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a large place.”

In a season when my soul is heavy, these words bring comfort. God is aware of the problems our world is facing, He sees your pain, and He knows the hidden hurt too. God knows your inner wrestling, the feelings you shove down, or the emotions that rise up.

A few years ago, I walked through another season of feeling God had let me down. While deep inside, I knew the truth that God never fails, my thoughts and emotions told a different story. Coming out of that season, I wrote a post called “Disappointed by Jesus” that I want to share with you again today. Though the problems I am facing may have changed, the truth of God’s word never changes.

Her name was Martha. She was a friend of Jesus. Martha took care of Jesus – she fed Him and hosted Him in her home. She listened to His teaching, and she believed Him. So when her brother was sick, it was only natural for her to reach out to her friend. Jesus could heal. She knew that firsthand, so she knew He could heal her brother, no matter how sick he was.

Martha and her sister sent messengers with the urgent task of finding Jesus. The messengers went and came back, but Jesus didn’t return with them. Her brother continued to grow sicker and sicker until the final tragedy came – his death.

Martha’s heart was broken. Not only had she lost her beloved brother, but her friend had also disappointed her. She knew Jesus could have helped, but why didn’t He come when she needed Him most? Didn’t He care? Didn’t He love her and her family? Why, if He had the power to heal, did He choose to stay away?

Can you relate to Martha?

Maybe you trust Jesus. You walk with Him, serve Him, and believe He is all powerful. But then, in a moment of great need, you call out to Jesus. And you wait. You believe at any moment He will come through – He will provide, He will heal, He will meet your need… but times goes by, and nothing happens. Or maybe like Martha, your greatest fear became a reality and your tragedy and pain mark your life.

For Martha, four long days passed after her brother died, and then she heard Jesus was on His way. As soon as she heard the news, she went to meet her friend. You can notice the pain laced in her first words to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” (John 11:21-21 ESV) Martha didn’t stop believing in Jesus, but she clearly didn’t understand why Jesus didn’t use His power to help her.

I’ve been there. I have questioned God. God, I know you love me, but why don’t I feel your love? God, I know you can provide, but why do you choose not to provide? God, I know you are good, but this situation doesn’t feel good or right. God, I thought I heard your voice, but everything about where I am is confusing and painful.

Though I don’t often admit it, there have been times I’ve felt let down, disappointed, and frustrated with Jesus. And my guess is, you have too.
Let’s look back at Martha’s story. I love how Jesus responds to her disappointment. He listens to her, and He enters into dialogue with her. And most importantly, He reminds her of His promises. He expands her perspective and restores her belief. (Take a minute to read more in John 11:23-27)

After talking with Martha and her sister, Jesus goes with them to the grave of their brother. Standing there, Jesus breaks down and weeps. He enters into their pain. He is not unaffected by what is happening.

Then, in an amazing display of power, Jesus does something no one expected. Something not Martha or anyone else for that matter, thought was possible. Jesus raised Martha’s brother from the dead. He showed that He is in absolute control.

I believe that day, Martha learned a valuable, life-changing truth. And it is summed up in the words Jesus said as He restored the life of her brother, “Did I not tell you if you believed you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40). And in His prayer to God, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe you sent me.” (John 11:41-42)

Jesus helped Martha see who He is does not change based on circumstances. Martha knew He was healer. Jesus wanted her to know that not only could He heal, but He has the power over life and death. From Martha’s perspective, Jesus could have solved her problem and cured her brother. But Jesus wanted her to know that He has another perspective. He could see not just this one situation she was facing, but He sees all eternity. Jesus was helping Martha know Him and His Father more. He was using her and her family to point other people to Him.

Martha’s story doesn’t answer every question I have, but it does remind me that my God never fails. Sometimes my life or my circumstances seem to tell me that God’s promises are not valid. But that is because I can only see from my perspective. As my friend, Jesus not only loves me, but He wants me to know Him and the Father more. He wants my life to point other people to Him. That may take me on a different path than I would choose. And that path may be hard and challenging, but that path also has a higher purpose. And it’s on that path that I will see God’s power in ways that I can never anticipate or imagine.